ROLE MODELS AND THE IDEAL SELF

I was looking up Motivational Memos as a Google search hoping to find my own blog – we sometimes need validation, don't we? I'm here, right? The blog exists too? Lo, there it was but in a synchronistic moment i discovered another blog for motivational memos: http://www.motivationalmemo.com/the-longevity-of-positivity/ and what a delight that was!

Peter Sinclair has a wealth of great stuff and in particular i enjoyed his piece on the importance of positivity as a confirmed state of mind along with the need for role models and mentors – topics dear to my heart. My view is that role models are a greatly under-discussed aspect of our life and society. For want of good role models we go to hell in a handcart. Why is this?

I think we need to unpick the dynamics of the human self-concept or self-identity as it is sometimes called. There are three primary ingredients: our self-esteem, our self-image and our ideal self. Our self-esteem relates to how we feel about ourselves, which itself largely reflects the way we have interpreted the experiences we have had. On the other hand, our self image is a picture of how we see and think about ourself now. 

One then, the esteem, has a past dimension to it, whereas the image is in the present; but the ideal self is how we want to be in the future. What is really interesting about this aspect of our psychology is how, when we are babies and children, it is natural to have ideal selves: in the functional family unit, the boy wants to be like dad, and the girl like mum. One might almost define the dysfunctional 'family' unit as being that place where the young person does not identify with adult carers. We clearly see the consequences of this in the kind of society and behaviours we see today.

However, the need for the ideal self does not evaporate with the end of childhood. In fact we see its evolution as teenagers  decide some idol or star or peer group leader is the 'coolest' model to imitate or emulate.

What is sad, though, is meeting people still only in their early twenties who have lost all concept of having an 'ideal' at all, except perhaps in the sense of worshipping 'stars' purely in the sense that they are stars. In fact the need to have a great role models – be it Nelson Mandela or Mother Teresa – never ends for the healthy personality. And what history shows us is that the very greatest role models – ideal selves – always come from one category of human experience: beyond the great generals,the stirring politicians, the category that endures for thousands of years as 'ideal' is always the religious type – the Bhuddas, the Prophets, the Christ.

There are probably many reasons for this but three certainly are: the need for growth, the need for a form on which the mind can base itself as a secure foundation, the need for a compelling vision. All these are part of the role model's function – and the ideal self which drives us forward to be better than we are.

My question therefore to everyone is: who is your ideal self?

James